I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
