Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize