Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
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The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
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At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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