i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
