I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
