In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
