i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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