somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
