i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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