wake up i wanna do it froggy style
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
