It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
