Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
