i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm determined to sit on that face.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
