I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm just crazy horny about you
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
