dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
