Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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