I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
