Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I still have a little drunk in my system
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
