Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just found puke in my bra..
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
