you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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