I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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