I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
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She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
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I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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