I'm going to jail i love you
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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