Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
