Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
