You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
