Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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