You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I need to sanitize my soul.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
