There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You were trust falling into bushes
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
