My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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