john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
