It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
