Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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