I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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