I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
