Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It's rum buckets o'clock
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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