During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
