i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
