He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
