I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
