i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
high people should be assigned attendants
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
