so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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