i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
