Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
