9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
