Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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