The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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