One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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