No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
