I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
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I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
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Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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