Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
