Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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