I wish I could punch you in the face.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize