i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
