This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize