This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The air was thick with penises
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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