i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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