Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
