i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
