We're facebook friends in real life
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize