hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
