It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture