I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question