fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.