Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
